TeenSnow

Today, we’re going to look at Teen Snow, a website for young women and men who want to have fun in the snow in a responsible manner.  Just joking. Although there is a clip art snowman at the top, this website has absolutely nothing to do with sledding, skiing, or snowball fights. No, TeenSnow.com is a porn aggregator that gathers videos depicting teenage sex from across the Internet.

Living in an ugly house with pretty girls.
TeenSnow’s landing page? This one is a complete mess.

The thumbnails look fantastic. The action is hot, even though some of the videos are a little grainy and lower definition than you would prefer. Schoolgirls flashing their tits, cartoon cheerleaders tossing their salads, and 18-year-old nymphos getting their faces jizzed on cover the screen.

Thoughtlessly, that header. Even though the background is a hideous baby blue, you can still see past it but not past that header. It’s never a good sign when a page appears to have been created with little to no care, money, or effort.

Whether it’s Google, Facebook, or Jimmy’s Backyard Chicken Fucking Bonanza, the name of the website is always written in some kind of fancy letters at the very top of the screen. You know how every single site on the entire Internet has a logo featuring a stylized version of their name? Actually, being “fancy” isn’t even necessary. It doesn’t matter if they resemble pixelated chicken scratchings—what matters is that the logo is present.

TeenSnow believes they are exempt from many social norms. The name of the website is rendered on your screen in comic fucking sans, despite the fact that there is no logo and it is plain-text. You don’t have to be a goddamn design geek to know that a website for grown men with firm grips on their own boners shouldn’t use a font intended for third-grade science projects.

How to complete high school in ten years or less.
The first positive aspect of this site appears to be the selection. With most of the major sex acts covered on the front page, there is a good balance of amateur and professional smut.

One of the thumbnails features a tear running down the cheek of Mia Khalifa’s attractive face.

She was actually a teen when it was filmed, so it might be an older clip. The more likely explanation is that it’s just a damn fine piece of pornography, like everything else she’s in, and it’s been labeled as Teenage because Mia has that perpetually youthful appearance that’s highly prized in the industry. You shouldn’t stress out too much about it because if you do, you’ll have to give up “teen” porn for good. Most of them are exaggerating their ages.

A Lot of Ass or Just Bullshit?

Once again breaking with tradition, TeenSnow doesn’t function as it should. Ass4All resembles TeenSnow remarkably well for some reason, with the exception that it features ass videos rather than teen ones. Although the font and background color are different, TeenSnow’s signature is clearly visible in the effortless design.

This is the absolute worst kind of bullshit. The website would be bad enough if it offered free sample clips through an intuitive and helpful interface, but TeenSnow barely makes an effort to hide the fact that they’re a group of shady con artists.

Even though the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” sometimes applies, you sometimes should.  TeenSnow was accurate it’s hot garbage, which is why this website looks like hot garbage. Yes, technically speaking, you could point your browser in that direction and end up skipping a few seconds of teen porn. You’d be a goddamn idiot to waste your time, given all the excellent teenage smut you can find elsewhere.